I believe that breakthroughs only come after a breakdown and hitting rock bottom. Rock bottom doesn’t mean necessarily being poor or on the street with nothing. It could mean that a dream you’ve had your entire life doesn’t pan out and you have to start over. And it doesn’t even mean you’re a failure. Just that there’s a new beginning waiting for you in the form of a breakthrough.
My breakthrough came in the form of and angel named Spencer.
My whole life, I dreamed of being in the medical field. First, my dream was to become a doctor. Then, it was to become a nurse. And then, I bumped it up to nurse practitioner. I finished high school and went straight to college to become a nurse. I got into the program, sailed through the first semester and started the second. The second semester turned into the nightmare that started my breakdown.
I went in fully excited. Ready to take it on in stride. I was nauseous and sick most of the semester and needless to say I failed clinical and barely passed lecture. I fought and got to take a second semester and at the start hand an endoscopy and colonoscopy and found out I was diagnosed with IBS, irritable bowel syndrome. I stilled trucked on through trying to go along with my dream but I failed again. I couldn’t retake it again, unless I started back on the waiting list for nursing school and started all over again. I was too sick to go on. I even lost my job during that time as a cashier due to my illness and having to call out.
Then, I learned about Spencer.
Now, I should start by saying I never met him in person. I only knew him as a friend of a friend. My friend Mike heard my situation and added me to a group of people who are praying for each other during rough times called, There’s Always Someone To Catch You When You Fall. It is a great group on Facebook that I just followed and only read and prayed for people. I never really posted but I did watch in my pity. And then I remembered Mike sharing a post about Spencer and how he was dying from cystic fibrosis at age 22 and needed a new pair of lungs. To me that was too young being 21 myself at the time. I started sharing the posts too and reading his wife’s updates about him. He was sick yet praying for children and others who were sick. He wasn’t laying there wallowing in self-pity, he was being kind to others and praying for them. He couldn’t leave his bed closer to the end but he would check their Facebook pages and pray for them!
Who was I, in fact, how dare I lay there in self-pity! He didn’t say it to me, but it convicted me to get out of myself. And the best thing I could do with my illness is show kindness to others who do have illnesses that are chronic and life threatening. Irritable bowel syndrome is chronic but not deadly. I could have a normal life. And I could live a life that helped bring a smile to the faces of others who had life threatening illnesses and chronic illnesses.
Spencer died from his illness. But those last days stay in my mind to this day, him still praying for others, him still wanting his wife to read to him and tell him about those who he had watched for so long. To me, he was an angel. He was meant to bless and touched the lives of those who came in contact with him. He touched the lives of many. The posts of those who followed him until the end spoke of story about how deeply his kindness impacted lives. He brought them out of dark times with his prayers and his love for people who were sometimes strangers. And he left a legacy. He started a spark that shouldn’t be ignored for me.
Paying it forward......
So I started following those kids, which lead me to more. And then I wanted to make something for them. And I remembered that I knew how to knit and crochet. And the rest is history. But it was all sparked by Spencer. It all came from me losing what I thought mattered, and gaining something so much more beautiful to me. And as I make the items and pray over them, I remember Spencer and his love and prayers for others.
By Alisha Louicius
